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mekachu04Fandom: Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Adam Young (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley & Adam Young (Good Omens), Crowley & Adam Young (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Hastur (Good Omens), Disposable Demon (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Beelzebub (Good Omens), Adam Young (Good Omens), Wensleydale (Good Omens), Brian (Good Omens), Pepper (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: No beta we fall like Crowley, is it still 'headcanon' if you're discussing religion?, feature author's own personal outlook on religion, specifically Hell and God's relationship to it, Minor Character Death, Paul Adeyefa's character is named Legion in here, discussion of past mutilations, Aziraphale was a cherubim, Aziraphale was a warrior, Discussion of the Fall, Imprisonment, Abduction, mentions of torture, BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Post-Apocalypse, Nope'geddeon, Post-Canon, Time Manipulation, Wing Injury, hurt!Aziraphale, Hurt!Crowley, discussions of Pre-Canon, Crowley didn't fall - he was pushed, Crowley Was Not Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Happy Ending, Aziraphale's True Form (Good Omens), lucifer is reasonable, aziraphale is not himself today, smite-y aziraphale, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), lucifer is not luci (tv) but heavily influenced by him, possible self-harm, unintentional suicidal actions, Burns, Crowley's True Form (Good Omens)
Series: Part 1 of Every Step
Aziraphale worked very hard at being soft. He's been working very hard for more than 6000 years to be soft, and one demon is trying his patience on the matter, leading him on a smiting spree in hell.
aka - exploring my personal headcanon's of our fav duo's pasts, set sometime after the series ends. Tags will be expanded reflecting each new chapter to minimize spoilers. i'm not very nice to either of of our beloveds in this, but it all works out in the end.
title from 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston
Chapter titles are based on the prompt used for that day
I am not the first, nor the last, to ponder Aziraphale being a principality, instead of a cherubim, which scriptures say are the ones who guarded the gates of Eden. Given the line from the book: “Technically Aziraphale was a Principality, but people made jokes about that these days” and my tendency to make every thing hurt, I took this as our angel being demoted.
Adam asks who he was. Before.
Aziraphale's brightness turns harsh again, but Adam doesn't flinch. He couldn't explain it if he tried, but he could feel that this was more an inward hurt than the angel feeling any ill regard to him. It's still painful, like a building migraine, so the young teen focuses on Crowley instead. The demon hasn't moved since Adam came in the home, and Adam can feel that he is very much hurt, but is also both stable and mentally not present. Adam doesn't know if celestial beings can officially loose consciousness, but it's the best terms he knows for Crowley's state of mind at the moment.
"I was cherub named Raphael," Aziraphale answers, "Not very creative name change, but... I became something I was afraid of. And I needed to not be 'him' anymore."
Adam, who knows what it's like to be afraid of himself, braves a look at the light, making sure Aziraphale knows he has both his attention and his sympathy. "What... What did you do?"
"I was created to be a warrior of God. But... But when I was created, there was nothing to be a warrior against. I was a solider, trained to bring God glory, but with no one to fight. The earth was still in the planning phases, but I didn't know anything about that. It was just endless drills and marches and prep.
"And then, then there was the Great War. The First War. There was no Hell yet, no demons. Back then, it was just angels vs angels. Samael refused the Almighty, and Michael so called on us to take up arms against him.
"We were fighting each other, but .... but for the first time, I finally felt like I had a purpose. I never stopped to ask why we were fighting, or if fighting was the right course of action to take in the first place. I just followed my brothers into battle. You either defended the Almighty, or you were a traitor."
Aziraphale's light twisted, no longer brilliant but ugly and dark, yet still painful and awesome to behold, "So many angels fell during the War, never to rise again. Celestial bodies torn asunder to be known no more. I'm not sure we ever found the names of those killed before Micheal and Samael finally faced off against each other.
"Micheal won, and she drove Samael and his angels out of Heaven."
"The Fall." Adam clarified.
"There was no Earth yet, you see. No where that the Almighty wasn't. There wasn't anywhere for them to flee to. Michael just lead the hunt, and we chased them down." Aziraphale curls in on himself, shame heavy in his words. "Samael found a place - a place the Almighty was not. They're called the sulpher pits, but it was something more. It was horrible burning thing that Her Grace could not withstand. She would be burned from you if you passed though it. My brothers threw themselves in, better to burn that face Michael's wrath. Their screams still echo there. Samael was burned away, and Lucifer the Monringstar rose from the pits. He laughed up at Michael, and claimed himself God of this new place."
"Hell."
"Yes. Hell.
"Michael wasn't happy, but had us return to Heaven. She had us gather up the angels who'd not fought. The cowards who had not chosen a side, who'd hidden from the fighting. She had us throw them into the pits. I..." he shuddered, "I was angry. I didn't understand why we allowed them to live it all. I thought we should have cut them down, but instead we were just giving the Morningstar more soldiers for him to mold against us. I was... very vocal about my thoughts on the matter, and many of the soldiers agreed with me.
"I hadn't realised what I was doing, so by that, now, I believe Micheal showed me mercy. But by vocalizing dissent on what to do with the Cast Away, by speaking against those above my station, I was encouraging another rebellion. The Archangels had to stop me, and .... and I accept that."
"The demotion."
"Chameal was one of the Archangels working on the earth project. They were assigning cherubim to guard the walls; worried that Lucifer might try something. I'd worked under them for a very long time. It was Chameal who suggested I be sent to Eden. But not as a cherub. Human's only had one head, so I was stripped of three of mine. Chameal named me Principality to the Garden, and Michael allowed it. She said that.. that my blood lust would keep the human's safe, that I would all too willing to smite any of the newly made demons that tried to make a charge on Eden."
"You said once you where on apple tree duty."
Aziraphale smiled, but Adam could feel the idea of tears streaming down the pillar of light. The angel regards Crowley with such a bitter fondness that it doesn't take Adam much to connect the dots.
"I tried to serve Heaven as best as I could, but I was struggling then. I had just lost everything that I was. I was a member of God's own Choir. I used to sing in Her courts. And now I was being shoved aside and bared from her presence. In the end, I found solace in that the Almighty's plan was ineffable, and I decided that it was no longer my place to question it.. maybe God let them Fall from Her because God still loved them. Maybe their Fall was meant to be an unburdening to them, so they could find their own way instead.
"And then Crowley snuck in the garden. He befriended Eve there at the end. Got her and Adam kicked out out right under our noses.
"I tried to help them, to give them a head start. Gabriel was furious once everything came to light. I thought for sure they'd make me Fall too."
Adam can hear the pain in Aziraphale's voice, but it's dropped back to human range completely now. "I was the weak link in the Garden, so I would bear the responsibility of Man's fall. He said he'd make me a proper principality, and I would serve my sentence on earth. Heaven cut off my flight wings so that I could not leave my station without the Host's intervention. That I would walk the earth for as long as it was Man's domain, and I could only return to the choirs when man's story was finished.
"I changed my name, let go of the warrior that was Raphael, and devoted myself anew to God's newest creation. Ineffable."
"You've killed a lot then, once?"
"Hundreds and hundreds of my brothers.'"
"You would of killed me at the airbase then, if Auntie Tracey hadn't stopped you. That wasn't a bluff."
"... I would have killed you, yes. I was prepared to be Raphael again, if it meant keeping humans safe. If it meant..."
"Keeping Uncle Anthony safe."
"Yes."
"Before me, when was the last time you did kill someone?"
He's quiet here, fond, "Crowley never let me in a spot to have to; not directly. I might have helped some people on their way, but never any directly since the ... "
He's almost human now, He's almost Uncle Ezra again, still bright, but looking more human than Pillar of the Holy God's Wrath that had initially greeted Adam this afternoon. Adam rests a hand on Crowley's head, pulling the blanket down from where he's been wrapped for his own safety. The demonic skin is splotchy and burnt, but seems to be reknitting itself without much need for help. Adam still gives his Uncle a gentle push to let him know waking up soon might be a good idea, taking on hand into his own. Uncle Anthony's right hand is the worse, burnt to bone, and Adam lets some of his still mostly dormant powers to the surface, encouraging muscles and skin to grow back. He could do it himself, but there's a great many things he could think into existence if he wants. And he's still standing by that people need to figure it out on there own.
But helping however. Helping is okay.
He goes to rest his other hand on Uncle Ezra's almost solid one. Aziraphale tries to pull away; he's afraid of hurting Adam, and hasn't felt the slow crawl of a new corporation building itself over him in a protective cocoon.
"Not burning," Adam assures him, holding up pinked fingers, "still warm, though, like someone with a bad fever."
