The First Cracks

[mekachu04]

First Cracks
Rating: teen
Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: Momma's been gone for a long time now. Days and days. Douglas keeps telling him it's okay; She's been gone before. But even his big brother doesn't seem so sure. Papa's been quiet too. The last few nights he just sits & stares at the wall.
The turmoil of South Blue arrives on Kutzk, and young Keillan is about to experience first hand just how cruel the world is off their shores.Additional Tags:

child death in background

attempted child murder

child abuse

Momma's been gone for a long time now. Days and days. Douglas keeps telling him it's okay; She's been gone before. But even his big brother doesn't seem so sure. Papa's been quiet too. The last few nights he just sits & stares at the wall.

Keillan's starting to get scared. He almost wishes Papa would yell becuase he at least knows what to do then.

But he's not a baby- not any more. His job is to take of Áine. She's the baby. At least until Momma has the new new baby.

Keillan asks Douglas if that's were Momma was: having the new baby. But Douglas doesn't think so. Keillan doesn't think so either - otherwise Papa wouldn't be so quiet all the time.

The only time he's not quiet lately is when the white soldiers are marching. Mr. Anndra from next door had to bring him inside earlier when they were marching so he'd stop throwing things.

Understandably, the siblings are all pretty nervous when some of the soldiers come right to the doors and knock. The older children crowd the window upstairs to study the men. Two at to door -one with a book- and three more at the steps. There's a cart on the street with a horse and everything and Keillans's a little jealous he isn't tall enough to see the horse for himself.

The youngest three listen intently wile the older children describe the scene. Papa is yelling again- that's loud enough they don't need to explain but the white uniformed men don't get mad this time. They even talk Papa into calming down.

Forbflaith says Papa's crying but Keillan thinks she must be wrong. He's not sure Papa knows how. He's a big boy after all. Men don't cry.

They're looking at the man's book, Fergus tells them, but he doesn't know what kind of book it is.

Suddenly, The four scramble away & drop to the floor - nobody wants to caught snooping. Funny enough when Papa does call for them - its for Keillan & Áine which isn't fair they're getting in trouble because they didn't even get to see anything. Kellian helps Áine with the steps- the older five children watching from the landing.

Papa looks... he looks blank, Keillan decided. Like he's sleepwalking or something. Not mad or anything. Just....

Blank.

"Can you really afford to feed them all alone?" The Soldier without the book is asking. He's also handing Papa a bag that sounds like its got coins in it. Papa doesn't look at it. He's looking at Áine and Keillan but doesn't seem to see them.

"Papa?"

Something is wrong. Keillan wants to take his baby sister and run back upstairs and hide.

His father seems to see them finally. Papa is not a kind man and he's not good at soft words. But he tries, kneeling down to hug the both; one child in each arm. He kisses Áine's forehead - tells her to be good for Keillan.

He brushes Keillan bangs back and looks him dead in the eyes; tells his son to watch out for his sister.

"These nice men are going to take you on their ship now."

Keillan doesn't know what that means. But the men at the bottom of the stairs move. One picks Keillan up, one picks Áine up. The other opens the cart doors and sets them inside.

The doors shut quickly. There an other children in the cart. There's even a baby. A baby baby not a little sister baby like Áine. There's a couple boys older than Keillan but otherwise everyone is little.

Áine starts to cry. Keillan wants to cry too but they can't both cry. Besides, he's not a baby any more.

The Cart picks up a couple more kids. It's starting to get crowded & everyone is scared.

The smiles are kind from the Soldiers- but they don't reach their eyes. Like Papa when he's secretly mad at Momma. The soldiers move them from the cart to a boat, rowing them out to the massive marine ship out in open waters.

It's the biggest thing Keillan's ever seen. It might be as big as all of New Brough if not Kutzk itself.

They are told to climb the rope ladder. Keillan asks how the little baby is getting up but they just tell him to climb. Áine waits for his lead and he ushers her forward, to climb first so he can catch her if she slips.

The deck of the ship is Chaos. Men are everywhere. The soldiers directs them into the hold.

Here he stumble for the first time. Áine is being told to go with the girls to one side and they want him to leave her and go with the boys.

He tries to tell them he's not allowed. Papa told him to watch Áine.

The men don't care and even when he starts to yell and kick, they just pick him up and throw him in with the other boys.

He looses sight of Áine as the girls are moved elsewhere.

They spend all day in the hold area- the boys all packed in tight. Keillan hears that they'll spend the night in the bay and in the morning to sail away.

It takes some effort and it gives him headache, but Keillan forces himself through the largest gaps in the bars that night. One of the other boys helps when he gets stuck- shoving the back of his head until he finally slips free.

They ask what he's gonna do. It's simple.. He has to find his sister.

He spends all night trying to find the other children. This ship is so big & his pretty sure he's lost. Its hard to keep tracks of where he is when he keeps having to find new hiding spots from the soldiers...

Its nearly dawn when he finds them - the Ship busy with activity as she makes to leave the island.

There's so many girls and yet no one knows where Áine is. He's starting to panic when the voices get too loud & soldiers come to see whats going on.

This time he's caught.

He just wants to see Áine.

The Soldiers take him up to the deck. They take him to see the ship's captain.

The man looks at him so coldly.

"I don't have time for this." he sneers. "just toss it over board. We need to reach the dump point by noon if we want to hit the next island before the storm."

There is no hesitation in the men who have him. The soldiers march him to the railing a like he weighs nothing at all; they toss him over to the ocean.

This far out - the waves have little mercy for him.

---

He's close enough to Kutzk that the current pushes him into the nets. He clings desperately to one of the net markers. He's lost a shoe and his shirt to the ocean, but the South Blue has so far let him keep his head up so he doesn't curse her yet. He'll gladly give her his other shoe & even his pants if she lets him keep his hold just a little longer.

He just needs to hold on long enough for the nets to get pulled in. He used to go with Momma to the fishmonger in the mornings. Surely it will be soon- the sun has already lit up the sky. She'll make an appearance soon. He just has to hold on.

---

The ocean has taken her payment, stealing away every bit of clothing from him in the turbulent waters before the boats one to collect their nets. He's not even conscious at that point; arms locked in place around the floutie.

The next thing he's aware of, a man with a giant beard has him tucked up under his chin coat pulled tight around them. He's so cold but the man is warm & he slips away again.

He's still out of it when the bodies drift in. There are not many; the current took most out to open waters. But there's enough to know he's not the only one that was thrown over. He's just the only one that was close enough to get a chance at making it.

Áine isn't among the bodies. But Keillan knows.

---

Papa knows too. He screams at Keillan when he comes home. Beats him Soundly. His body almost hurts as much as his heart does.

Forbflaith sits outside with him until nightfall. "You shouldn't have come back." She tells him. Papa wont let him inside.

He lays in the gutter all night. Mr Anndra finally picks him up in the morning and gives him water. Lets him sleep on the rug by the door. Gives him a slice of bread the next morning before marching him down to Papa.

With Mr Anndra there, Papa finally lets him come inside.

---

It's not home anymore. Keillan lost their little sister. He came home empty handed and he knows how they hate him for it. He takes his beatings without a sound.

When he can't endure it any longer he slips down to the docks. The men who pulled him from the sea- they pulled out so many children in the days after, to see the one who made it seemed to make them happy.

They're the only people that seem happy to see them. They'd probably hate him too if they knew about how he left behind Áine.

He's too afraid to tell them. He buries that horrible thing deep in his heart, and tries to ignore the tears that run hot down his cheeks every time one of the grizzly men pick him up and hold him close. 

 

One day, one day there will be another little child like Áine who looks at him with no idea what to do when all the adults have left them behind. One day, when he's been given a new name, a new life, he'll take that boy's hand like he was supposed to take Áine's and this time, this time he wont ever let go.